I hate tis feeling ; ___ ;

I kinda make my girl's heart broken by torturing myself for not eating for the sake of care about her...i wanted to take care of her....i wanted to understand her....i wanted to be at her side no matter what happen...i..i...just...wanted her...to be happy....but still.....i hurt her heart....i hurt her badly because i hurt myself....i m hurting the me that she love the most....i hurting the me that she care the most......

i m useless right?? want her to be happy but end up making her sad....hahahaa *laughing in tears* as for now, i think i can just let the time pass....i just wish her can once again be happy....that's all i wish for....

Although i am also happy-go-lucky, inside me is the hidden feeling of my happy-go-lucky...i am actually quite fragile....i will break down easily....but i always try my best to not show that hidden feeling to her....i always act tough....in front of her....i don't want to let her know i m that fragile....

looks like i finally unable to control that feeling already.....i break down badly this morning....i unable to sleep well at night....then morning i sms and call her...she kinda ignore almost all of them......and this cause me to straight away break down....i cannot control my tears that falling off my eyes.....

as i say....all i wanted is once again see her smiling happily to me...that's all i wish for.... ; ___ ;